I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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