Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
