tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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