i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize