I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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