sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I sprained my soul last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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