Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
