Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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