So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hippo gnu deer
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
