Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
