party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
