I CAN MOONWALK!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
