please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
