I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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