where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
