One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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