How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
