My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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