apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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