if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When did angry sex become our thing?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
