what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize