i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
