Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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