We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
