How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
