upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize