Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
