the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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