he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
