Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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