Quick, to the slutcave!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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