we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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