So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
