i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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