i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
