Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
