oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
