Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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