I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i love accidental penises.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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