is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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