You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize