ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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