so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
