i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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