did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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