My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
