I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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