your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My ass is underappreciated
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize