It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize