it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im calling her cock vulture from now on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
