shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
