U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Pooping to opera.
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