I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
