there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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