why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
