stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
