A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
