I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
