I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
