Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a beard to bite.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
