i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My vagina is officially offended.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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