I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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