is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was like eating out sand paper
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
