I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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