Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
