You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
