My first STD was from a foam party
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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