Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
